can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
