hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
