Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
