I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
