My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
