Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
