Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
