Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
