i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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