no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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