Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's like heaven, but drunker
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
