I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
