Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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