I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
