I cockslap morals
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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