Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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