i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
