Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
