Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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