Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
