we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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