when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
