After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
