A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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