that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
