i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
