Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
