he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
