she woke up with a sticky ear
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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