From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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