sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
