At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
