is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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