If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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