what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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