i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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