I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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