Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
