my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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