tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
