but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
