Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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