I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
