I cockslap morals
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
