what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
