It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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