I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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