Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
