Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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