it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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