We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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