And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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