He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
