Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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