We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
