I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
